Bad choices she had made resulted in an unplanned pregnancy.
"Before facing this pregnancy, I didn't believe in abortion." (I hear this often. It is one thing to believe in something in "theory", but the 'rubber hits the road' when you have to face that belief head-on.)
I asked her why she had thought abortion was wrong and she explained it this way, "I just figured the baby shouldn't be the one to pay for the mistake."
"What's different now?", I asked.
She thought a while and then said, "Well, this time I'm the one who had unprotected sex." (That might be one of THE most honest statements I have ever heard in the counseling room.)
She talked some more. I listened. She cried, I waited. Then, I asked her about God. She believed in God, but was unable to articulate why, or even what that meant to her. She shared more about her situation, her lack of finances, her family kicking her out, etc. Again, I listened. When she was all talked out there was just silence.
I waited. No more came. When the quiet became unbearable for her and me, I leaned and said, "This is a big room. You have that whole couch you are sitting on all to yourself. What if God came in to the room and sat down next to you? What one thing would you ask Him?"
I have used this question before in a counseling situation, but this time, as soon as the words came out of my mouth I felt this dull ache in the pit of my stomach. This young woman was a thinker. What if she came up with some question that was bigger than I could answer? I could see in her eyes that she was seriously pondering the question I posed. This observation made me a little more nervous. I watched as her expression changed. In fact, everything about her changed. She hung her head, her shoulders drooped, and I watched as tears fell from her cheeks to the floor. Then, quietly, broken only by her crying, she said, "I guess I would ask Him if everything is going to be okay."
In that moment, my fear was realized. I had no answer for her. I prayed as I waited for her tears to end.
She looked up at me without hardly raising her head from the bent over position she was in. Behind her eyes I imagined she was thinking "PLEASE, PLEASE, tell me everything is going to be okay". But that is not something I can promise her.
I leaned in toward her from the chair I was sitting on and said, "Wow! That is the most profound thing I have ever heard in response to the question I asked you. And sadly, I can't answer your question for God. But I believe, if He was here, sitting next to you on that couch, that He would put His arm around you and draw you close to His heart. I believe He would want you to feel safe and loved. As you lay your head on His shoulder, I imagine He would whisper in your ear an answer something like this, "My child, that is up to you.""
There was a time in my life when I believed that all God was doing was watching from Heaven, waiting for me to sin or make a mistake, so He could punish me. The reality is God is watching and waiting, not to punish, but to reconcile. His desire is to see us run into His arms. He won't force it, but He will patiently wait for it. And wait, and wait, and wait...
We are not promised a carefree life. But we are promised that God will be in it with us, if we let Him. I believe that even when I didn't let Him in, He still watched and waited. Loving me. Praying I would make better choices for my life. And when I finally figured that out, everything changed.
Deuteronomy 31:6
For the Lord your God will go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.
Psalm 86:15
But you, O Lord, are a God of compassion and mercy, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
May you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt; how wide, how deep, how long and how high God's love is for you.
May you run into His waiting arms and be blown away by His love, mercy and grace.
And may you experience a life free in Christ.
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