Is everything going to be okay?

We talked for hours. Though much younger than myself, she was genuine in her desire for information.

Bad choices she had made resulted in an unplanned pregnancy.

"Before facing this pregnancy, I didn't believe in abortion." (I hear this often. It is one thing to believe in something in "theory", but the 'rubber hits the road' when you have to face that belief head-on.)

I asked her why she had thought abortion was wrong and she explained it this way, "I just figured the baby shouldn't be the one to pay for the mistake."

"What's different now?", I asked.

She thought a while and then said, "Well, this time I'm the one who had unprotected sex." (That might be one of THE most honest statements I have ever heard in the counseling room.)

She talked some more. I listened. She cried, I waited. Then, I asked her about God. She believed in God, but was unable to articulate why, or even what that meant to her. She shared more about her situation, her lack of finances, her family kicking her out, etc. Again, I listened. When she was all talked out there was just silence.

I waited. No more came. When the quiet became unbearable for her and me, I leaned and said, "This is a big room. You have that whole couch you are sitting on all to yourself. What if God came in to the room and sat down next to you? What one thing would you ask Him?"

I have used this question before in a counseling situation, but this time, as soon as the words came out of my mouth I felt this dull ache in the pit of my stomach. This young woman was a thinker. What if she came up with some question that was bigger than I could answer? I could see in her eyes that she was seriously pondering the question I posed. This observation made me a little more nervous. I watched as her expression changed. In fact, everything  about her changed. She hung her head, her shoulders drooped, and I watched as tears fell from her cheeks to the floor. Then, quietly, broken only by her crying, she said, "I guess I would ask Him if everything is going to be okay."

In that moment, my fear was realized. I had no answer for her. I prayed as I waited for her tears to end.

She looked up at me without hardly raising her head from the bent over position she was in. Behind her eyes I imagined she was thinking "PLEASE, PLEASE, tell me everything is going to be okay". But that is not something I can promise her.

I leaned in toward her from the chair I was sitting on and said, "Wow! That is the most profound thing I have ever heard in response to the question I asked you. And sadly, I can't answer your question for God. But I believe, if He was here, sitting next to you on that couch, that He would put His arm around you and draw you close to His heart. I believe He would want you to feel safe and loved. As you lay your head on His shoulder, I imagine He would whisper in your ear an answer something like this, "My child, that is up to you.""

There was a time in my life when I believed that all God was doing was watching from Heaven, waiting for me to sin or make a mistake, so He could punish me. The reality is God is watching and waiting, not to punish, but to reconcile. His desire is to see us run into His arms. He won't force it, but He will patiently wait for it. And wait, and wait, and wait...

We are not promised a carefree life. But we are promised that God will be in it with us, if we let Him. I believe that even when I didn't let Him in, He still watched and waited. Loving me. Praying I would make better choices for my life. And when I finally figured that out, everything changed.

Deuteronomy 31:6 
For the Lord your God will go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.

Psalm 86:15
But you, O Lord, are a God of compassion and mercy, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.

2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

May you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt; how wide, how deep, how long and how high God's love is for you.

May you run into His waiting arms and be blown away by His love, mercy and grace.

And may you experience a life free in Christ.

Even the demons know that

A crisis in her life is how we met. I talked with her and then asked, "do you belong to any particular religion?"

"Oh yes", she responded, "I am a Christian". 

So I asked her how she knew she was a Christian. She told me of a church service she went to once where this "tingly" feeling came over her. But her story did not end there. She was invited by a friend to visit another church. The pastor looked right at the section she was in and said "Someone in this section has a loved one who is very ill." At first she was spooked but when no one got up she knew he was talking to her. She went forward and they prayed for the loved one. Then the pastor held her hands and she felt this surge of warmth come from him and go into her hands and then her arms. He instructed her to go and transfer this "healing power" to the person who was deathly ill. So she did. When the miraculous news came that her loved one's illness had vanished she knew that God was real.

Did this really happen? I don't know I wasn't there. Can God use humans in this fashion if it suits His purpose? The Bible says He can. So is this possible? "...all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27b

But my question to her was not about, was this experience real? The question in my mind was more about "why does this make her a Christian?"  So I asked and she answered, "because, I now know God is real".

I leaned in and said "even the demons know God is real, that doesn't make them Christians".  "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder." James 2:19

There was a time in my life when I would have also said I was a Christian. Simply because I was told, or taught, that I was. It was more a tradition than a reality. Something passed on to me from previous generations. I never made that choice for myself, even though I also "knew that God was real". 

So what changed for me? I had to come to the end of myself. I had to understand my personal need for a Savior. I now know I am Christian. I know I am forgiven and that some day I will be with God in heaven. Am I perfect? FAR FROM IT! But something changed the day I understood who Jesus Christ was and what He did on that cross. My life has never been the same.

Christianity is not about being better than others. It is about dying to self. Something I'm still learning. It is not about a single experience. It is about a lifetime. When a person accepts Christ as Lord and Savior, their own life should be markedly different.

I believe that what I do in the here and now has eternal consequences. My life began at conception, became meaningful at conversion, and will not end at death.

My faith has taken me to places I would never have imagined. To the edge of the cliff, to the highest mountain tops, to the deepest valleys, beside the calmest streams, across angelic meadows, and through it all I have known a peace that surpasses understanding. 

Many question the Christian faith. I think that is because it is vastly misunderstood. Humans have messed it up to the point that it is often unrecognizable. I have met lots of people who claim to be Christian, and even believe they are. Yet hate and ugliness spews from them. I cannot judge their hearts or their eternal destiny. That is between them and God. But the actions of some who loudly profess their faith, and yet live a lifestyle that looks no different than those who do not follow Christ, can become a stumbling block to an unbelieving world.

God asks His people to be "in the world" not "of it". To be "set apart". To be "holy". Christians should not just "act" different, they need to BE different. This happens on the inside and can be visibly seen on the outside. It should not repel people away, it should encourage others to seek what they have found. 

The woman I started this blog with, claimed to be Christian because of an experience. Yet, her lifestyle and her life choices did not match the faith she claims to hold. Sadly, this is not an isolated case. I see this all too often. I am not discounting "experiences". I'm just concerned that if we rely only on an experience we will easily be led away by the next experience. 

I am Christian, and I am still learning to be Christian. I am a work in progress.