Surprised

There have been a few times that my reaction to a situation surprised even me. One I remember vividly involves a special Christmas present I received from my daughter years ago. The gift inside the beautifully wrapped box immediately touched my heart and the emotion was so strong all I could do was cry.

Today I once again experienced that level of emotion. My husband and I are temporarily living in different states. I've kept strong by telling myself, "it could be worse he could be with a branch of the Armed Services and deployed to a foreign country", or, "it could be worse he could be a missionary in the jungles somewhere in South America". I thought if I kept that perspective I could easily handle our being apart temporarily.

Then tonight on my way home I became completely frustrated when our cell phone connection was bad causing conversation to be difficult. I told him that when I got to the apartment I would call him using Skype. For some reason the connection to the wireless service was not working and after a number of failed attempts I tried the cell phone again. While we spoke I kept trying to get my internet working. Then...SUCCESS!

We connected and the webcam turned on and there was his face smiling at me. Immediately I cried. I guess the tension of my technology not working for me built up so much that subconsciously I thought I'd not get to see his face and then THERE IT WAS! The overwhelming gratitude that I could see him resulted in tears.

Now, with our conversation over I begin thinking about my relationship with God. How many times is it like what I experienced tonight? Broken words, disconnected sentences, dropped line, etc. Sometimes I think my prayers must feel like that to God. I start and stop, I don't stay on topic, often I'm distracted by other things and may not even complete the prayer. God is just left hanging on, waiting, and waiting. All the time missing me and wishing we spent more time together, or at the very least that our time together would be free from distractions.

Then, we have that moment when I make that time with the Lord a priority and one that is free from things that would draw me away. I listen and wait for God instead of vomiting out my list of things I "need" or am worried about. I imagine God has an experience like I had with my husband. A moment where He sees me clearly and His heart is moved by the preciousness of it.

Romans 12:12 (NIV)
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for those many times I have not stayed focused. Forgive me for all the times I didn't even stop to pray. You give me free access to You 24/7 and yet I fail to seek You as I should. Father God, have mercy on Your servant. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Let my word's be few and my time with You be plenty. AMEN